The team had a few firsts today. We had our first breakfast at the Visans'; the french toast was wonderful and the company was just as good! Then we took a drive outside Oradea and the newest team members got to see a little bit of the beautiful Romanian mountains for the first time. Although it was a bit rainy, the mountains still looked stunning against the gray skies. The mountains reached up as the clouds bent low to touch them and the sight made me smile. God is so creative. Then to top it all off, the team got our first opportunity to sit in on a Messianic Jewish service. I can't speak for everyone, but for me in particular, it was such an honor to worship with the very people Jesus chose to identify Himself with. Though the technicalities of the rituals might have changed a little, the Messianic Jewish faith is so close to what Jesus was and taught. It was an experience like no other and I was truly touched.
All these firsts keep reminding me of a painful truth - what we want is not always what we need. Let me explain. There were several times today that I didn't want to go somewhere or do something but because we are a team, I went. Although I may not have "felt" like going, doing, etc., the blessings I received today outweigh any inconvenience I might have initially felt. If I hadn't gone on the drive to the mountains today, I would have never seen some of the unique scenery today offered. If I hadn't gone to the messianic service, I wouldn't have been impacted by the beauty of the messianic jewish community. My life is all the richer due to these experiences and nonetheless for doing things I didn't "feel" like doing.
The longer I'm a Christian, the more I am convinced that God is far less concerned with my comfort than I initially believed. Why? Because God knows that in order to grow, I must change. Change is painful sometimes but that doesn't make it unnecessary. This whole idea makes me uncomfortable but I suppose that's the point. God did try to warn me that His thoughts weren't my thoughts and His plans weren't my plans. (Is. 55:8) I am growing and changing and honestly, I wouldn't wish for anything else.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
All Us Orphans
Another day at the hospital today. It is such a blessing to be able to hold and love on those children. I am pleased to report that two of the babies in the room I was assigned were taken home. Praise God! The room now has two twin boys 1 1/2 years old, a seven month old boy, and a handicapped little girl which I would estimate to be four or five years old. The good news is that all of them have parents involved in their lives at least partially. There is no way to really describe the joy I have in rocking those babies, giving them a little bit of the love their parents won't or can't.
I can't help but think of God's love for all of us 'orphans' when I'm around those kids. His love, however, is perfect and constant; it never leaves. Since God loved me and changed my life, I want to share that love with someone else. Who better than those who are abandoned?
In Ezekiel 16, the prophet writes symbolically of Israel, speaking of her as an orphan. "No one looked on you with pity...you were thrown out into the open field for on the day you were born, you were despised. Then I passed by...and as you laying there...I said to you, 'Live.'" (Ezekiel 16:5-6) The story goes on to say that God took Israel in and cared for her. This is the picture of the love of God. He loves the unlovely and the unloved; His love knows no limits. His love went as far as the cross for those that betrayed Him. This is the love that I have been entrusted to represent. Wow.
So as I rock those little ones, I'll be doing my best to represent the love that changed my life. Hopefully I can make a difference in theirs too...
I can't help but think of God's love for all of us 'orphans' when I'm around those kids. His love, however, is perfect and constant; it never leaves. Since God loved me and changed my life, I want to share that love with someone else. Who better than those who are abandoned?
In Ezekiel 16, the prophet writes symbolically of Israel, speaking of her as an orphan. "No one looked on you with pity...you were thrown out into the open field for on the day you were born, you were despised. Then I passed by...and as you laying there...I said to you, 'Live.'" (Ezekiel 16:5-6) The story goes on to say that God took Israel in and cared for her. This is the picture of the love of God. He loves the unlovely and the unloved; His love knows no limits. His love went as far as the cross for those that betrayed Him. This is the love that I have been entrusted to represent. Wow.
So as I rock those little ones, I'll be doing my best to represent the love that changed my life. Hopefully I can make a difference in theirs too...
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
On A Happy Note
One look inside the hospital took me right back to last year. It was so amazing to be back. As soon as I got my room assignment, I all but ran into the room and started interacting with the first kid I could get to. Smiles, hugs, and kisses were lavished on each baby and the joy I had in my heart grew steadily throughout the day. The babies were just what I needed. Although there were some sad stories involving the babies I worked with, the overtone of the day was bright.
Some of the good news I received today was that the genetics floor that we worked on primarily last year is now completely renovated and cleaner than I've ever seen it. Praise God! Also, the nurse I got to work with today treated the babies so well; it was head and shoulders above the interactions I had seen last time I was here. That was also a relief. I wasn't able to find out if any of our babies from last year were still in the hospital but if I do find out, I'll be sure to update you. So all in all, today was a great day.
I am so thankful for the grace and mercy God pours out on me. When I am at my point of breaking, He is there to hold me up. When I am weakest, He is strong on my behalf. Thank you to all those who are lifting me up in prayer each day; I can't tell you how much your prayers mean to me. God will bless you for all you have done.
Some of the good news I received today was that the genetics floor that we worked on primarily last year is now completely renovated and cleaner than I've ever seen it. Praise God! Also, the nurse I got to work with today treated the babies so well; it was head and shoulders above the interactions I had seen last time I was here. That was also a relief. I wasn't able to find out if any of our babies from last year were still in the hospital but if I do find out, I'll be sure to update you. So all in all, today was a great day.
I am so thankful for the grace and mercy God pours out on me. When I am at my point of breaking, He is there to hold me up. When I am weakest, He is strong on my behalf. Thank you to all those who are lifting me up in prayer each day; I can't tell you how much your prayers mean to me. God will bless you for all you have done.
Monday, July 25, 2011
The War Inside
As I stepped out of the car, my senses were overwhelmed with sights, smells, and sounds that jogged my memory. Vague memories and impressions began to replay in my minds eye. I had returned. It was familiar yet new all at once. The gypsy village stretched out before me and the children began trickling toward us. Some faces were new, some I recognized, yet the emotions engendered by the sight of them all were the same - compassion, sadness, anticipation, and excitement. I was setting my hand to the work I had come to do.
Sitting on the floor, playing cards strewn on the ground in front of me, I watched little Denisa pick each one up and look at it. Her big brown eyes searched each card then turned to meet mine with a smile. She was beautiful and innocent; her world was full of childish curiosity yet surrounded by a deplorable reality. 'What will this little life become?' I wondered to myself. What were her possibilities? The further my mind drifted down that road, the more helpless I felt. Her little dirt covered fingers pointed to each picture on the cards and simultaneously reached deep into my soul. Chubby cheeks framed the grin that crossed her face as I winked at her. My mind reeled with comparisons of my childhood and the childhood she was living. 'Why was she the one chosen to live this life? Why wasn't it me?'
Kids from corner to corner in our small room patiently waited for the cookies to be passed out. Crammed around tables with just enough elbow room to eat, each child anticipated the taste of those treats and you could see it in their eyes. Who knows if they had eaten anything previously and there was no guarantee they would eat afterwards. The thought struck me as unfair. They're just kids. Suddenly those cookies and the sandwiches that followed some time later meant so much more. We weren't just filling the kids bellies to "tide them over." This wasn't a means to an end. For some, this was the best meal they would eat that day. I expected the kids to begin inhaling the cookies as soon as they received them but to my surprise, every kid took tiny bites of their cookie and sandwich. I guess they were trying to make it last. I grimaced at that thought.
Today was exhausting, but not because the work I did was strenuous. The above descriptions are just a few of the things that went through my mind during the course of my time there. Frankly, I'm almost too sad to cry and too exhausted to process information. It's almost too much to take when you begin to consider the future these little lives have. God loves them, of this I am sure, but its hard to be so limited in my human ability. I want to help them all but I can't and that is one of the worst feelings I have ever experienced.
Sitting on the floor, playing cards strewn on the ground in front of me, I watched little Denisa pick each one up and look at it. Her big brown eyes searched each card then turned to meet mine with a smile. She was beautiful and innocent; her world was full of childish curiosity yet surrounded by a deplorable reality. 'What will this little life become?' I wondered to myself. What were her possibilities? The further my mind drifted down that road, the more helpless I felt. Her little dirt covered fingers pointed to each picture on the cards and simultaneously reached deep into my soul. Chubby cheeks framed the grin that crossed her face as I winked at her. My mind reeled with comparisons of my childhood and the childhood she was living. 'Why was she the one chosen to live this life? Why wasn't it me?'
Kids from corner to corner in our small room patiently waited for the cookies to be passed out. Crammed around tables with just enough elbow room to eat, each child anticipated the taste of those treats and you could see it in their eyes. Who knows if they had eaten anything previously and there was no guarantee they would eat afterwards. The thought struck me as unfair. They're just kids. Suddenly those cookies and the sandwiches that followed some time later meant so much more. We weren't just filling the kids bellies to "tide them over." This wasn't a means to an end. For some, this was the best meal they would eat that day. I expected the kids to begin inhaling the cookies as soon as they received them but to my surprise, every kid took tiny bites of their cookie and sandwich. I guess they were trying to make it last. I grimaced at that thought.
Today was exhausting, but not because the work I did was strenuous. The above descriptions are just a few of the things that went through my mind during the course of my time there. Frankly, I'm almost too sad to cry and too exhausted to process information. It's almost too much to take when you begin to consider the future these little lives have. God loves them, of this I am sure, but its hard to be so limited in my human ability. I want to help them all but I can't and that is one of the worst feelings I have ever experienced.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Daddy Knows Best
The last few days have been a pivot point for me. Yesterday we drove 9 hours through the mountains of Romania and it produced some of the most spectacular scenery I have ever seen. When you are surrounded by majestic mountains and stunning plains, its hard not to feel small and get a perspective adjustment. Then today, we welcomed our three newest team members and introduced phase #3 of the trip and with it, a much anticipated change of pace. Both of these things have been a breath of fresh air to me and I am growing excited for the work we'll begin tomorrow. That, however, leads me to my newest lesson learned...
Sometimes when I'm in the middle of a task, be it at work, at church, or even on a missions trip, I get tunnel vision for what my hands are doing to the neglect of all the supporting factors of the work I'm completing. One of the things that I often neglect is looking to God for energy and sustaining life in the midst of my obedience. Unfortunately, I think I fell into the trap of independence the last few days of the trip but PRAISE GOD He forgives my ignorance.
During a prayer earlier this evening, one of our newest team members, Bonnie, prayed that God would give us strength as we stepped forward into our work this week. As soon as she prayed that, the Holy Spirit dropped truth into my soul, hitting me like a ton of bricks. Just that fast, my stubborn refusal to accept the help that God was offering looked as silly to me as it was to Him. I finally understood. Its like that moment when you realize that your parents were right about something; you feel dumb for not having seen it in the first place. What right did I have to try doing something for God without taking advantage of the tools He provided for the task? Believe me, now that I see my wrong, I am going to be chatting with God a lot more than I have been! A light bulb has gone on in my head and I don't want to waste any time. I want everything I do on this trip to be effective in spreading the truth and love of God. And that, my dear friends, won't happen if I try to do it on my own.
I'll be leaning a LOT more heavily on those Everlasting Arms that surround me from here on out. I can't wait to see how it changes the landscape of possibilities...
The Eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.
~Deuteronomy 33:27
Sometimes when I'm in the middle of a task, be it at work, at church, or even on a missions trip, I get tunnel vision for what my hands are doing to the neglect of all the supporting factors of the work I'm completing. One of the things that I often neglect is looking to God for energy and sustaining life in the midst of my obedience. Unfortunately, I think I fell into the trap of independence the last few days of the trip but PRAISE GOD He forgives my ignorance.
During a prayer earlier this evening, one of our newest team members, Bonnie, prayed that God would give us strength as we stepped forward into our work this week. As soon as she prayed that, the Holy Spirit dropped truth into my soul, hitting me like a ton of bricks. Just that fast, my stubborn refusal to accept the help that God was offering looked as silly to me as it was to Him. I finally understood. Its like that moment when you realize that your parents were right about something; you feel dumb for not having seen it in the first place. What right did I have to try doing something for God without taking advantage of the tools He provided for the task? Believe me, now that I see my wrong, I am going to be chatting with God a lot more than I have been! A light bulb has gone on in my head and I don't want to waste any time. I want everything I do on this trip to be effective in spreading the truth and love of God. And that, my dear friends, won't happen if I try to do it on my own.
I'll be leaning a LOT more heavily on those Everlasting Arms that surround me from here on out. I can't wait to see how it changes the landscape of possibilities...
The Eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.
~Deuteronomy 33:27
Friday, July 22, 2011
Unsung Heroes
Have you ever met a person so impacting that it leaves you thankful just to have been around them? You know, those people that seem to command respect and attention, not because of their lofty speech and lavish possessions but because of their humility and kindness? I count myself fortunate to have spent the last few days in the company of such people. Today was day #2 of the leadership conference in Suceava and we heard a few testimonies from a few of the great people attending. What a humbling, inspiring time it has been. I've shed some tears, laughed, and been challenged spiritually all while sitting shoulder to shoulder with some of the unsung heroes of the Christian faith. Their stories ranged from living a life of faith under communism to becoming a Romanian missionary, sacrificing many things this world calls "success" to get there. Every time I heard another story, I found myself thinking 'who am I that I get to be called a fellow soldier with these people?' Seriously, talk about a perspective shift!
Scott opened up the morning session with a few thoughts from 2 Corinthians 4, sharing candidly about the hardships of ministry, and honestly, it was just what I needed to hear. I am so "green" in the ministry, so it was both sobering and encouraging to hear from seasoned warriors of the faith who have already been on the path I'm now walking. As they spoke from their brokenness, I could see the hand of God's grace that even at the present moment was holding them. As they spoke from their joys, I could see the smile of God shining on them. It is amazing to see God enjoying them even more than they were enjoying Him. Hearing their stories has created a deep desire within me to anchor my faith to the Rock which will hold me firm through the trials and bitter storms. My calling from God is not a promise that I won't have pain. Rather it is a promise that through anything, He will see me through and give me all that I have need of. These beautiful people that God has surrounded me with remind me of the truth of ministry and it is well timed. I'm not sure what is ahead of me but I do know the One who holds my world in His hands. He will always be enough.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Road Warriors
What a day! Save a few hours this morning, we drove all day today, practically from one tip of Romania to the other. It was a good drive, however, because it gave us all some time to just process the first portion of our trip and prepare a little bit for the upcoming leadership conference.
As long car rides usually go, there was some sleeping, lots of talking, and a fair amount of eating, all of which just added to the team #3 bonding we've been doing the last few days. Scott was a trooper, traveling 11 hours in a car with three twenty-somethings, and we all learned a few things along the way. Scott hates techno music, Meredith can't dance, Hannah is the most responsible person on the planet, and I can get villagers to wave to me if I lean out the car window and wave frantically enough. If you can't guess from that description, we had a good time. Road trips bring out the "best" in everyone, especially when we get punchy due to tiredness. What a ride it was!
Tomorrow starts the conference and our team is looking forward to all that God has in store. Please keep us in prayer, especially Scott as he leads the conference, and ask God to refresh the leaders that are attending as well as build relationships among them the way only our God can do. We know God is in this time so we eagerly await the result. I love how perfect God's plans are!
As long car rides usually go, there was some sleeping, lots of talking, and a fair amount of eating, all of which just added to the team #3 bonding we've been doing the last few days. Scott was a trooper, traveling 11 hours in a car with three twenty-somethings, and we all learned a few things along the way. Scott hates techno music, Meredith can't dance, Hannah is the most responsible person on the planet, and I can get villagers to wave to me if I lean out the car window and wave frantically enough. If you can't guess from that description, we had a good time. Road trips bring out the "best" in everyone, especially when we get punchy due to tiredness. What a ride it was!
Tomorrow starts the conference and our team is looking forward to all that God has in store. Please keep us in prayer, especially Scott as he leads the conference, and ask God to refresh the leaders that are attending as well as build relationships among them the way only our God can do. We know God is in this time so we eagerly await the result. I love how perfect God's plans are!
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